Broken hearts and concrete floors

Moved.

2008-11-14T02:31:00.001-08:00

Moved.

Namarie.

Living and partly living.

2008-09-18T21:42:00.000-07:00

After reading my previous entry, I can't help but turn red. Do I ramble that incoherently all the time? Come to think'uv it, it smacked of self-deprecation.

Note to self: I should not look inward, but towards God and trust in Him. I haven't been doing so recently, and exams and promos aren't a good excuse not to trust in Him either. Inwardly, I feel guilty about doing so rarely.

In Eliot's The Rock, Part II, the Chorus tells us of the creation of the world out of null and void, when darkness was upon darkness.

"Then came, at a predetermined moment, a moment in

time and out of time,

A moment not out of time, but in time, in what we call

history: transecting, bisecting the world of time,

a moment in time but not like a moment of time,

A moment in time but time was made through that moment: for without the meaning there is no time

and that moment of time gave the meaning."

Eliot comes close to quantifying the most minute facet of the Creation of the Universe, due to his enlightenment.

In Literature, when we talk about all these abstract concepts like Immortality and Transcendence and Sacrificial Death, do I just accept these and scribble them down naively?

Sometimes I don't feel I fully appreciate or comprehend what Christ did to save us and to save humanity. It can't be quantified in mere words. And we do not appreciate the monumental moment that was the Creation of the Universe by God. That's one thing that bothers me.

We are to remember God and salvation and that in life there is death and in death, life.

We are to perpetually rebuild his church, both at home, in school and in our hearts.

We are to strive to be worthy of salvation, though we are all unworthy.

We live to hope, and hope to live.

We speak to God in order to speak to ourselves.

We open our hearts to God so He can open our eyes to Heaven.

We touch the Bible so that God can touch our souls.

We distance ourselves from material things so as to become closer to Him.

God has given us the world's goodness, so we can realize our capacity for good.

God gives us strength, so that we can be strong through Him.

God gave his all to us so that we could give.

Lord Jesus died on the cross so that we could live.

We are to give thanks for his Glory.

Because the most incredible, unbelievable, fantastical thing about it...

is that even if you don't, God will always be with you. He will never give up on you.

When you're down and out for the count.

When your body is bleeding

and your soul is screaming

when every bone in your body is shrieking

"Enough!"

You feel a tug on your hand.

But you can't see Him.

There's a hand on your heart.

But you can't feel Him.

There's someone humming a lullaby you used to know

But you can't hear Him.

It's then that you realize why not.

God is in you.

He's in everyone of us.

Whether you like it or not, He's there. Cherishing, providing, ready to welcome you with open arms.

In order to change, we have to be honest with ourselves. I do feel ashamed that sometimes I feel more familiar with the popstars on MTV and the buttons on my cellphone than the crucifix round my neck.

Eliot was right.

We're too concerned with materialism, things which hold neither value nor virtue. We're shifting away from the spiritual.

And since we're all aware of this trend, we placate ourselves with the knowledge that we can't change the world.

can't

stop

its spiritual

decline,

from the

to the

sordid.

The world may not be able to realize, to set itself free.

But I think it's alright if I start with just....God....and me.

As Eliot said in The Rock,

"All our knowledge brings us nearer to ignorance,

All our ignorance brings us nearer to death,

But nearness to death no nearer to God."

I believe in God.

Do you?

Doolt.

2008-09-08T03:41:00.000-07:00

It's official. I feel like the world's biggest dolt.

Why is it that whenever I'm not around her I'm Ryan A. but when I'm with her I turn into a total Seth Cohen?

Gosh...with all his coheny cohenish cohenisms. I'm genuinely worried. I must've set a world record for the most number of times I just plain lost it and broke off.

It made me want to kick a tree. Which I did. I got chased by hornets. Go figure.

I shall never forgive myself.

What's the point of having experience on the stage if you can't even deliver your lines properly boy?

Okay. Stop hyperventilating. Sincerity. That's what counts.

I just can't fully comprehend it. I've never been reduced to a stammering epileptic fit before. No one's ever come close to breaking my composure. WHY. What's wrong with me? Gawsh.

As Yoda said to Luke "Much to learn, you still have."...

Oh boy.

Breathe.

2008-08-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

if you read this,
if your eyes are passing over this right now,
even if we don't speak often,
please post a comment with a memory of you and me.
It can be anything you want - good or bad.
you don't have to give your real name.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog
and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Breathe.

I remember that moment when everything changed.

Yes, I remember it well.

Breathe.

The ghoulish horror in my heart

guilt

fear

strength

The overwhelming impulse

to protect the frailty in my arms.

Breathe.

The wish to loose

every vestige of my being

just to ensure the consciousness

of yours.

Breathe.

The rush of blood to the head

Slow clammy breaths

Cool the whorls of

air

into a struggling bosom.

Breathe.

Flashes upon lulls

Shawls and skulls

Everyone a deathly white.

Somewhere

far away

she is calling

your Name.

Breathe.

You're home.

Close your eyes

sleeping beauty.

Let the fog

take you.

One day

you will come.

wen loong.

Vanity Fair

2008-08-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest here.

After all, tis' the best policy, innit?

We don't want to care about what people think.

We are all afraid'uv what people think'uv us.

Afraid that behind the barbie-doll smiles and candid camera glossies,
is that tinge of a chance
that behind the security of mental monologue and the quiet of subconscious
you're being judged
every minute, of every day.

This doesn't just happen with our friends. When we meet complete strangers, for instance.

Have you ever developed a photo of yourself and seen a stranger in the background?
Their faces merging occasionally
with the vagaries in the horizon
Most'uv the time though, their features can be seen
with pixelated clarity

And it really makes y'wonder, doesn't it?

How many strangers have had pictures of you in the background?
How many lives have you had the subtle chance to be a part of?
Were you there in their lives at the candid camera moment?
Or were you there when all their hope was lost?

Did you seem to blend in amongst their families' faces
as one of their own?
As if you were somehow fated to be there
A crooked grin amidst rosy cheeks?

Or were you lost amidst the masses
of lackadaisical loafers
Blurry sepia
---------Indistinct?

You could have been a meaningful moment in someone's life.
And the most absurd part about it...
is that you don't even know it.

We don't even realize what's completely obvious.

After all, let's be frank.

Who doesn't judge from first impressions? Who has not seen a face and summarized that person's life worth within a matter'uv seconds?

Maybe we're way too young to believe in idealism.
Perhaps all we believe...is idealism.

We wrap ourselves within all these layers to hide who we really are inside.

Afraid of the reactions to our true selves.
So we blanket our spirits and guard our hearts.

Unwilling to reach out and warm a soul.

But ask yourselves this.

When was the last time you were touched by anyone anywhere other than your body?

If I make the lashes dark
And the eyes more bright
And the lips more scarlet,
Or ask if all be right
From mirror after mirror,
No vanity's displayed:
I'm looking for the face I had
Before the world was made.
~W.B. Yeats

The Way We Were

2008-08-19T04:06:00.001-07:00

Sheng Rui had this msn nick which I liked alot when i caught a glimpse'uv it. It said "Photographs capture the way we were, but not the way we are."

That resonates.

Like something from talking to Audrey Beth Stein, or perhaps meeting Nelson Mandela. Or a scene from Gossip Girl. Right out'uv the O.C.

There are people we wonder about but don't make attempts
to contact.

Perhaps we're afraid of empty conversations with
someone or perhaps we're curious about someone whose
life we watched for awhile from afar.

Sometimes it's just been
too long and sometimes we can't even articulate the need to
know whatever happened to them.

Where are they? Did they
make it in life? Are they happy?

Are they passionate about something
in their lives... or are they anything like the people we once knew?

Lewis Carroll once said "I can't go back to yesterday-because I was a different person then."

And essentially, that rings true today as it did all those years ago.

We cannot become what we need,
by remaining who we are.

And when it comes down to the great microcosm'uv it all...

People change fundamentally for two reasons.

Either they learn enough to desire change,

Or they hurt enough so they've just got to.

So let's put down our cudgels and cannons, and find something to believe in. Something to live for.

Live.

Just live.

"It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes.

It is in fact true.

It's called living."

-Terry Pratchett-

Wow, this is pretty accurate.

2008-08-16T22:14:00.000-07:00

Dating Strengths	Dating Weaknesses
1. Flirtiness - 100% 2. Spirituality - 92.3% 3. Sense of Humor - 85.7% 4. Varied Interests - 85.7% 5. Financial Situation - 76.9%	1. Arrogance - 62.5% 2. Temper - 62.5% 3. Vanity - 58.3%

Dating Strengths Explained
Flirtiness - Flirting is a good way to break the ice, and you are a pro at it. Being flirtatious will open up many dating opportunities. Spirituality - Your spiritual side brings you peace and balance, and keeps you grounded. This is attractive, as you can help reinforce this quality in other people. Sense of Humor - Girls are attracted to people with a good sense of humor. Be sure to put yours on display! Varied Interests - You don't limit yourself, and that's a dating asset. Your varied interests make you available and interesting to a wider range of girls. Financial Situation - You've got your financial situation under control, which is a very desirable quality. Be careful to avoid girls who are only interested in your money.
Dating Weaknesses Explained
Arrogance - You are a bit full of yourself. You need to practice a little humility now and then, as arrogance can be a turn-off. Temper - You need to work on controlling your temper. Don't let your anger get the best of you. A calm and rational persona is important when dating. Vanity - Learn to put a lower priority on looks. Appearance is, of course, important, but vanity is undesireable. The only people you will attract are the superficial.
Dating Strengths and Weaknesses Quiz by Dating Diversions

Down to a whisper.

2008-08-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

Cara and I came across a little book'uv love letter pictures in Kino. Well, she came across it.

Why do I like this love letter again?

I can relate.

So here's a little something for you.

Relate

Let's all put down our two-bit hearts

gather up stardust and mud

and build --

build love in our own likeness

To shelter ourselves and me

from

the electrolytic agony

Listen.

To the sweet nothings

on the answering machine

the sultry staccato

of the line clicking dead.

Come hug the clay

hold on to what's true

Cos' that's good enough

For me

and

no good enough;

for you.

by wen loong

Goodbye Apathy.

2008-07-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

I believe everything happens for a reason

People change so that you can learn to let go

Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right

You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,

and sometimes good things fall apart

so better things

can fall

together

No Greater, Love

I think I may have blown our romance out of proportion

I was too earnest for it to have meant something

Too desperate to have

something to believe in --

I was scared that it might have just been written off

as another high school fling,

and I needed it

to be more than that.

I needed it to be colossal and epic

whether it really was,

or not.

And now

looking back,maybe it wasn't true love

Maybe I won't recollect it

as one of the "great" loves in my life

But in that moment I wanted it

to be so gripping and so poignant

That it could unravel the universe

I wanted it to be my story.

My fairytale.

The stuff of legend.

and I think in some ways...

It was.

But looking back through time and grief

We were just kids

and we had all these feelings

we didn't know how to translate

we couldn't comprehend

I'm not saying

we mistook that for love

But I think...

I may have hyperbolized

whatever we shared

because I was afraid...

Afraid of it all ---

meaning

nothing.

.wen loong

Damn.

2008-07-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

What kind of girl and what kind of friend'uv that girl doesn't get that I take great lengths to change blog so that she can stay out'uv my life?

Go ahead and forget, you never were one for remembering much anyway.

i'll stick by my quote.

Hate is just a word for someone you love but no longer believe in.

And I don't believe in you. Or you. Or you.

SOME real friends I have.

So much for "besties".

My bad poetry is MY own business. I wasn't even writing bout' you, Miss drama queen.

Stay out of my life.

Both of you.

Leave me alone.

Take me away.

2008-07-14T04:37:00.000-07:00

Take me away, a secret place

A sweet escape, take me away

Take me away to better days,

Take me away, a hiding place

Hi, Society

Mascara Schmascara,

Ditzy dim sum

and Dappled lawns

Nail on bone

Leave Sarah alone

You hyacinth girl

Rainbows and geckos

of Vanilla Cola

and patriotic Agar

Just rape the vixens.

Lovelace bitches

and star-crossed tessellations

murder the universe

in the cathedral, - peekaboo

strawberry bile

ICU

Lick papyrus bunions

with Clark's Key

Throbbing the moonstones

Taciturn thrones

Your lissom leotard

The American Dream?

Harley.

Not David's son

has forsaken him

In an ersatz struggle

this two is salmon maki

too raw for the Great Gatsby

You sexy synonym

Skewer me sombre

you Subway executioner

Beheaded meatballs -

and rotisserie psychobabble

Rabid roulette

Lov'

Louvre

and Crystal oatmeal

Enough

Be my Galileo?

Be my Galilee

Lay me down as far

As the ferry seas

Drowning aqualung

with antihistamine mars bars -

That's just the way we roll...

For that ephemeral die.

Non-sequitur jigamathing

Will you love me

in the

mourning?

.wen loong

Hello world, hope you're listening.

2008-07-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

While I can run, I'll run;

while I can walk, I'll walk;

when I can only crawl, I'll crawl.

But by the grace of God, I'll always be moving forward.

Season Finale

2008-06-15T06:37:00.000-07:00

Cooper is dead.

.wen loong

The End's not Near, Its Here.

2008-06-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

Seth Cohen: "I'm telling you Ryan, by the end of Kick Off Carnival, the four of us are going to be exactly the way we were."

Exactly the way we were.

The past few days have been really depressing, there is this constant lull, a faint whining noise in the back of my mind.

It's not as bad during the day, at least I have things I can distract myself with, momentarily.

It's the most painful at night, gazing with empty stares at the whitewash of a ceiling.

Maybe I can channel the hurt out the more intensely I stare.

To splatter the walls with the most gruesome of the wraiths which grace my thoughts.

Wishful thinking.

I curl up in bed, dimly aware of neon hands ticking away, away...

Try to think of happy thoughts...

Finding there are none, I take a slow, raspy breath...

And enter the Neverland of my nightmares.

Where dreams never come true, hope is for the hopeless, stars die, pigs fly...

And Peter Pan

is

dead.

All the memories we shared, they glow. They are perennial, as the grass in the meadows of my mind.

Its all bathed in a soft, yellow light.

The buttercups chuckle

and play

hopscotch with your hair.

There is something of John Mayer in the whispering of the reeds and the rustling of the evergreens.

And trickles of spring water are in cahoots with the flying squirrels in the everglades.

I try to catch you, but you dance fleetingly, just out of my reach, laughing in bubbles.

The wind ruffles your hair up, an inhuman light shines meekly from behind you.

Just like a faerie from days of old.

You laugh... A Tinkerbell amongst the havens,

and let the breeze

Take

you.

.wen loong

Mem'ries,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were

Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?

Mem'ries, may be beautiful and yet
Whats too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So its the laughter

We will remember
Whenever we remember...

The way we were...
The way we were...

There's No Such Thing as the Real World

2008-06-08T00:15:00.000-07:00

I am invincible
As long as I'm alive.

I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve.

Rach and me bimb pals with my closed-mouthy half-grin-esque smile.

Kara and me with my first toothy smile, paling next to her awesome one. *frowns*

I've grown a lot over these past few weeks. I've learn how to smile properly! Never really dared to before ever since I wore braces in Secondary 1. Force'uv habit I suppose. SMUN '08 - Singapore Model United Nations 2008. Here are the photos, enjoy. *grins*

"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just to lie you've got to rise above

Stop & Stare

2008-05-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

CAP - Creative Arts Programme. Crazy Awesome People. Corny Ass Pranks. Culmination of Aesthetic Passion.

I miss CAP! It was wonderful, really, purely, simply. To be around people who actually understood me and, yes, had the tendency to be as quirky as me, made me feel so...complete.

During the drama rehearsals, someone played the piano version of One Republic's "Stop & Stare" for everyone to sing along, though I was dancing in offstage while he was doing so. Nonetheless, the lyrics just...resonate. They're powerful, they're insipid, they're melodic and fey and haunting.

There may be carnage, the epic clash of titans, civilizations rising, falling with greater panache, the cruel gleam of rapier and bayonet in moonlight, the fusillade of hot lead through bones, the exquisite agony of sickly-sweet gas inhaled, the mushroom-sunflower of radioactive fallout.

But one thing's for certain...

Words will never lose their power.

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

You bring me joy.

2008-05-15T05:05:00.000-07:00

“Before you, Bella, my life was like

a moonless night.

Very dark, but there were stars

- points of light and reason.

And then you shot across my sky

like a meteor.

Suddenly everything was on fire;

there was brilliancy, there was beauty.

When you were gone, when the

meteor had fallen over the horizon,

everything went black.

Nothing had changed, but my

eyes were blinded by the light.

I couldn’t see the stars anymore...

And there was no more reason for

anything.”

I am, officially, the happiest man in the world.

I was incomplete before I met you. I lacked reason.

You are my life now.

I think Shakespeare would approve.

"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East and Juliet is the sun! Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon."

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Let your rays wash over me.

.wen loong

Run, Forrest, Run!

2008-04-29T05:31:00.000-07:00

I miss sprinting.

What is it about sprinting that's so magical?

Maybe its that innate impulse for humans to feel the earth tremble beneath their feet.

Maybe its that voluptuous whip of Lady Wind whispering in your ear that she isn't going to accept it if you can't resist her harder than she can push you.

Maybe its that carnal desire to be faster than anyone, that overwhelming sense...of glory...of brilliance...of a poignant childlike fascination with speed...

Those days of skipping about with the coolness of the ivory grass beneath my feet...

The ever-so-slight bouncy nuances of the rough astro turf, stretching ahead as far as the eye can ever behold, into the realms of brave new worlds, utterly alien, unexplored, unchartered...

Maybe its that ennoblement, that sense of exaltation we feel coursing through every rivet of our capillaries, the air we breathe seems sweeter than water after thirst, that urge, that want, to fuse, merge with the Speed Force.

Maybe that moment's a moment of epiphany, a revelation of sorts which is rediscovered time and again, sprinting is a never-ending potpourri, an exquisite amalgam of pleasure and pain.

Maybe its how time seems to move in trickling molasses, the notion that every microsecond counts, every second an eon of the universe, but the mind cannot process rational thought, there is not even time for the electrical signals to spark its precarious jump from synapse to adjoining synapse, no time for the bioelectrical signals to be sent down to their respective muscles to actuate nerve and muscle, skin and bone...

Maybe its a combination of all of these things...

The sheer speed...

And then its all over. Just like that.

Blink and you'd miss it.

But in my mind, running has only one great joy for me. Beauty, in its highest form, a veritable synchrony of the body in movement, enjoined with the euphoria and the honeysuckle-sweet adrenalin blood-rush to the head sensation that hits you square between the eyes, like a bullet from an angry Clint Eastwood.

Its without doubt, beautifully unexplainable.

*winks knowingly*

.wen loong

Everything We Had

2008-04-21T03:20:00.000-07:00

You were the only face I'd ever known.
I was the light from the lamp on the floor,
and only as bright as you wanted me to be.
But I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,
and I do regret more than I admit.

It's getting unbearable. Trouble is, I'm not quite equipped to adequately and thoroughly explain how I feel.

It's like living between two worlds. In...in a kind'uv Limbo.

Yes, that's the word.

Limbo.

Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions, thinking too much as you always tell me. But deep down, I know you don't really care about me. Not like I do for you.

And you even casually berate the life'uv dance I live by. Dancing that hums and connects all the discordant rhythms in my hopes and dreams and fears,and fuses it into something beautiful, something that defies waking reality.

So what if its non-conformist? Attention-seeking? Powerful? Moving? Dance's about casting aside all inhibitions. You of all people should understand.

People like me do it, just because.

So you claim to know me. Bravo.

Sigh. Just because I don't show it, doesn't mean I don't hurt on the inside.

Appearance's sake, then. That's what this "friendship" was all about.

I'm a bit sad and just plain resigned.

Maybe we're both like Ryan and Marissa. It was doomed from the start. Every time they got so close to happily ever after, a series of unfortunate events occurred to tear them apart.

Ryan's stubborn nature and good intentions, Marissa's coyness and magnetism for decadence and depravity. Their paths were interlocked so hellishly, it was pretty much surrealistic irony.

So who're the viewers, and what are their ratings?

Ouch.

Just in time for the season finale.

It isn't fair to play the blame game.Maybe it's the pressure of everyday that I take out on you. You're the catalyst to my feelings. I'm sorry about that.

Maybe I'm wrong. I wish someone had all the answers.

I'm reminded of you every time I play one of your songs. Is it my curse to eternally languish in the memories of melancholic times?

And the frightening part is, I genuinely like your songs.

Not at first, no. But as time passes...

They grow on me, like the subtle fruity aftertaste of a rare and exquisite Cabernet or a wine from one of the Great Years.

There's that ever-so-slight taste of tannin, and the meekest hint of bashful saffron. Then it turns rich and full, with the languor of the lazy sun and the benevolent moon.

I should just block you out of my life.

But that would only cause the sweet agony of withdrawal symptoms.

You're my brand'uv heroin, and I'm addicted. To sweet, sweet...

You.

You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love, and then love won't exist.

I'll be with you wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.

Everything we had, everything we had.
Everything we had, everything we had.

.wen loong

Planetshakers 2008

2008-04-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

How wonderful
How beautiful
Jesus your name
Name above every name

Planetshakers 2008 is over!

I've been waiting for it all week, and it's finally over. First, Cara, Ash, WQ and little ol' me went to change into our "pretend-usher" outfits.

When we'd come out of our respective changing rooms, it looked like a Click Five Convention.

Cara looked like a cross between a bohemian gypsy and a Guns n' Roses fan.

Ash looked like he was last Tuesday, a la vintage Topman.

WQ looked like L from Death Note, minus the eyeliner.

And I...looked like a Mexican R'n'B singer.

Go figure.

We sprinted, yes, sprinted down to the bus stop to flag down a taxi amidst the flurry of the road. When we finally crammed into one, I had the dubious honour of sitting in the front seat.
It was a long, long, long, long, long journey. Should I even endeavor to describe how immensely lengthy and boring it was, I would undoubtedly not do it justice. As with all dull, long stretches, I fell to the lures of the luscious, undeniable power nap.

"Hey wake up we're on the way back already"
"We are? But it's still daylight! Its bright outside!"
"That's cos' its the next day sleepyhead."
"It is?....HEY!"

We reached Singapore Expo and made sure to secure our front row seats, before rushing off to the toilet to conduct a fascinating discussion on fashion and diseases of the skin. *cringes*

We camwhored for countless photographs, from various angles, the stairs, the stage, a mock band and the O.C and Baywatch spoofs.

The concert was...breathtaking. It was indescribable. I felt so liberated.

God's giving me a second chance. The Lord is giving me the strength to love, to be strong, to love everyone wholeheartedly and wholly, without reservations. He wants me to give my all in my work, and to fulfill his purpose for me in Life.

I know what I've got to do, and I surrender completely to Him.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for strength and wisdom. Because of you, I am blessed with the will to carry on, the love and gratitude for my incredible family, and with the courage to do what is necessary, to become what I was meant to be, in Your eyes when You made me.

My God is mighty to save.

.wen loong

Leadership Symposium!

2008-04-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

And they say that a hero could save us,
I'm not gonna stand here and wait,
I'll hold to the wings of the eagles,
Watch as we all fly away.

Photographs from Leadership Symposium 2008. *grins*

'Eets nothing personal, just business...

.wen loong

The New Year.

2008-04-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

So this is the New Year
And I don't feel any different
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance

I'm quietly amused at the start of this year.

My sprained ankle's been fibbing to me, it has a worse condition than it would have cared to admit. It is hiding a stress fracture on the inner right shin.

Oh legs, which ache from no running for three whole weeks. Physical torture.

Today was Jer's 17th Birthday. Words fail me when I endeavor to describe what a true friend and bro he's been. Since IP1, since the clique, Ben, Jer, Reub and me. And Ash man!

We just...click. Like the aging pieces of some intricate puzzle. Which is completely spastic.

We're an amalgamation, a medley of odd-parts and quirks, of laughs, of tears, of joyous and mirthful moments. An effervescence of bubbly chuckle-me-tenderness.

Jer = Amazing friend and bro. Great guy.

So this is the New Year. Bring it on
Look back, see how bright we've shone
Troubles disappear, they won't be long
Come n' get us, we're going strong.

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For selfl assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

.wen loong

My Dance Solo Reel

2008-03-19T02:10:00.000-07:00

Have a sprained ankle in some'uv the videos in the solo reel.
Hope fellow youtubers don't think I move as slow as that. *frowns*
Doesn't really matter now, does it? It's only one of many videos t'come.

Have a nice time watching and laughing your heads off, friends. *grins*

.wen loong

Right now, anything is possible.

2008-03-08T00:13:00.000-08:00

And right now
all your dreams are waking up,
and right now
I wish I could follow you
to the shores
of freedom,
where no one lives.

The camp Ben and I went on has ended.

In a sense, going back to East Coast was a renewal of sorts for me. Going back to basics, back to the beginning of it all.

Sometimes in the process of finding yourself, you have to lose yourself to the rush of sensation.

That it will never come again
Is what makes life so sweet.
-Emily Dickinson-

The overwhelming feeling of pure surrender, raising your arms to the heavens to give in, to accept and rejoice in the total briefness of now.

As if you could seize the invisible cords of some mythical kite which'd carry you up in the salty breeze, to claim just the teeniest cluster of twinkling stars as your own.

Thank you Ben, for everything.

Glorious sunrises, stunning sunsets, mere imagery would not suffice for the art on the sky. Mellowing amber ripples for the sunrises, like dewdrops trickling down the sugary veins of a maple leaf. An impressionistic sunflower starburst, done by a more lucid Van Gogh. That'd be close to what it looked like.

Just, just pure...

Poetry.

.

Look how they shine for you.

2008-02-27T02:05:00.000-08:00

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

You don't realize what you've done, do you? It's just another one of your escapades. Your third life.

You've six left. You could plan to carve a bitter trail of broken hearts through the jungle of Life all the way till the very end.

I've tried to erase that scene from my thoughts. Every day, every night.

It keeps playing, again and again and again like some rickety black and white film projector.

Like a movie? I laugh because, you are.

You were like a good movie, the kind that was rated right, filmed right, watched by all the right people. Nothing left out.

Except for, well, me. To keep this movie from being obviously about you.

It starts out well enough, giving the audience a sense of brooding anticipation. Something wonderful is about to happen, soon. Very soon, they can feel it.

There are whispers and wolf whistles from the audience, then a powerful hush, a susurrus travels across the aisles.

An almost telepathic suggestion, the kind that says "Oooh, this is gonna be good." The audience doesn't know why they feel this way. They've never watched a trailer, read a review, or even heard the slightest about the greatness of the actors in it. But something made them sit up.

Something made em' say, "Hey, this is something else entirely." And before the movie has truly begun, there already are a thousand fidgeting, fingers clawed to the drink holders, queasily impatient for a beginning.

Lo, the first scene. The first time the girl was noticed, by the boy.

She was beauty incarnate. For all appearances sake, she radiated warmth and innocence. Her laugh was like the tinkling of wind chimes, the tangy scent of fresh lemons and chocolate in the afternoon. Cascading down in curls, her chestnut hair framed her brown almond eyes perfectly.

And as all love stories go, over time, the lead actor fell hopelessly in love with her.

So the story goes on. And oh, does the movie ever get better. There's love, war, angst, betrayal, the entire spectrum of human emotion.

It gets better. And better. And when it seems like it can't possibly, it gets even better than THAT. Every scene is perfect, the actors at the pinnacle of their art, the scenery breathtaking, the dialogue goose-bump inducing. Your senses are stimulated to a very,very high degree of excitement. You're in nirvana. You feel you're one with the movie, devoid of your own rational mind, lacking reason or logic.

The characters in the movie are put through extraordinary trials and tribulations, and the development! Awe-inspiring. You're so mesmerized by them that you feel you can identify with every character. You're one of them, in the movie, talking with their tongues. Their emotions affect your emotions, and sometimes may even become yours.

It pulls you to the edge of your seat, has you wishing you'd prepared more for this intense film. That almost...animalistic magnetism. Primal. Just when you'd thought...oh, it must be...but impossible! It just barely, barely scraped through. Completely unexpected twist.

You start to feel as if the movie is being made as you watch it. As if it was filmed for you, and you alone.

It engulfs you, fills you with warmth and pride, touches your soul, induces cherry blossom tinges on your cheeks. It makes you positively euphoric, yelps of joy echo all around the theater. People jump in their seats.

It moves you, till you just want to tear your eyes out to stop the tears streaming, and to make an orifice for the sad thoughts to weep out and ebb from your head, ebb like muddy brooks to rivulets and streams.

Then, in one of the final scenes, the lead actress turns out to be living a lie. A veneer of her actual self. She acts shallow, impulsive, greedy and hypocritical. The lead actor is devastated.

A wave of hate flows like an electric current through the audience, a small sly voice in their ears insinuating a roaring crackle of deceit and lies. It stirs the audience into enough of a frenzy to throw all their popcorn into the air, to rain down on them like crinkled golden confetti against the technicolor screen.

Maybe out of pure spite, the movie replays that scene in slow motion again. And again, and again. It evokes hurt and great pathos, flickering eternally.

It'd zoom into the expression on the actresses' face, her expression forever captured in photographic memory.

The theater speakers pulsing the anguish that numbed all sensation. The pain, the pain, fuzzy and lucid at the same time, sending the audience keeling on the floor from the barrage of sound. The people in the back rows throw up in their empty popcorn bags.

Knots in your stomach tighten, your breath catches in your chest, till vertigo, till the world itself seems ethereal.

And then the inner monologue, with me as the narrator.

"Something inside me was breaking, something inside me was telling me...there was somewhere better than this."

"I wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else."

Yet the main actress acts like it wasn't her fault. This wasn't just another mistake, another wrong move. It was an unforgettable incident.

"What did being perfect have anything to do with it? Did anyone ask her if she'd hated it? "

The audience are left unsatisfied, confused, alone. An odd feeling, of something unfulfilled, left out, incomplete. It permeates the viewers. It's strange.

It was your fault, your choice, your move. Is this some kind of game for you?

You blame impulse. Impulse? Unbelievable.

Have you ever heard of faith? Commitment? Love? Or are all your posts some figment of a desperate attempt to save face?

I never wanted anyone else. No one else. Just you.

I was willing to take things slow. Maybe it'd work out one day.

You went back on your word, you lied, you deceived me.

What I don't know won't hurt me aye. Tell the audience that. They watched the whole enchilada. From the highs to the lows. From every angle, person and vantage point. From treetops to binocular views at a great distance. They've been every person, seen everything, felt everything there is to be felt. They've even helped determine the ending.

A movie is only as good as its ending.

After the ending credits have finished scrolling, you will walk out that door with the bright neon EXIT sign, and you will breathe.

Just breathe.

And resume your life.

Of course, you'll avoid catching a glimpse of the movie in any form. You won't buy into its DVD releases, its novels, glossy posters, magazines,advertisements, memorabilia, merchandise or have anything to do with the actors in it.

Because something inside is telling you, you are not going to be hurt again.

Ever.

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh all the things you do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know for you I bleed myself dry
For you I bleed myself dry

Baby, It's Fact.

2008-02-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

Just in case they're wondering
They've got us pinned terribly
They don't believe our love is real
Cause they don't know how real love feels
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you

Hellogoodbye. Hello.

Whenever I hear a song sung with such complete innocence and naivety, love interwoven into the lyrics, a beautiful voice singing fierce and defiant against the fading silence.

There's a raw emotion between those lines that moved me to tears.

If only it were that simple.

Goodbye.

And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
Oh it must be true
And They'll believe us to soon

Baby, it's fact
Our love is too
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

They may say some awful things
But there's no point in listening
Your words are the only words
That I believe in afterwards.
You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you
And how my heart's about burst
Into a thousand pieces
So it must be true
And they'll believe us to soon

Baby, it's fact
Our love is too
The way black is black
And blue is just blue
My love is true
It's a matter of fact
Oh, and you love me too
It's as simple as that
Baby, our love is true

And time goes by, so slowly.

2008-02-09T05:16:00.000-08:00

Oh, my love, my darling,
I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time,

Its Chinese New Year at last. Let the good times roll.

I'm waiting for your answer,
I'm all ears
Bereft of hope?
Allay my fears.

We'll still be friends. Always.

Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much.
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me.

Here are the photos. Seoul Garden, the guys, this is the year 2008. =) Good times gonna' come.

.wen loong

You didn't.

2008-01-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I, haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet

Lord, I have this feeling deep down in my heart, that I've strayed from you.
I had come back from Cara's party and I think my poetry can do more justice to how I felt than in mere prose.

Lone Star

I stare, stand alone in the midst of plenty
wistful, wistful as the burnished star's death
Warmth is abound me, nay, it never surrounds me
It is cold, cold, cold --cold of numbing chagrin.

A bud of hatred blossoms; crisp and tangy
A bud which puts all posies to shame
Shriveling on nooks in ruddy walls
Brambled pawns playing checkered game.

Olive petals flit lazily into mind
They stain damask buds with emerald envy
Cinnamon skies deviate from routine
And riot in tempestuous anarchy.

I can never look into another rose garden, for now,
Sanguine bouquets make me strangely giddy
Solitude, wafting breeze through the pines
I stare, I stay, alone amongst heartbroken vines.

God, I'm sorry I even got jealous. Don't read too much into it aight?
Just this once, it happened.

So since you wanna be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
you to stick around
I'll see you everyday

You'll have to follow through.

.wen loong

See me fly.

2008-01-23T08:37:00.000-08:00

This is a poem to myself, the only one who'd really understand.

Gymnasts dancing on glistening concrete,
Was it possible? They were flying.
A whip of their legs, drifting off their feet,
Their magic, gravity defying.

They twisted, they bent, the laws of Physics,
to the tune of pulsing reggae.
Like superheroes from Marvel Comics,
the highest intelligence in the freest body.

A little kid donned a fedora hat,
which lent me mysterious allure.
Its velvet,soft as a panther cat,
Like Fred Astaire, but gothic film noir.

A worn ghetto blaster spit out sonic vibrations,
The silence before sound, agonizing.
My mind's eye saw zombies' mesmerizing gyrations,
And that four year old started dancing.

A glimmer, a loss of self-control,
The air turns dark and chocolatey.
The secret language of the soul,
becomes the subtle confession of the body.

Through all the ages of aural blitzing,
Reflections in a mirror, burnished, cracked.
Neurons humming, muscles actuating,
A dancer stared straight back.

Raindrops mellowing the gravel,
an obsidian lantern illuminated light.
pitter-patter, splitter-splatter,
I danced my way through the night.

Whirling out of myself,
nerves quivering, every strand.
My body shimmering softly like an elf,
to a symphony I did not fully understand.

Vermillion capillaries turned to cosmic dust,
my consciousness into Neptune's azure.
My feet became asteroid rust,
my elegance the stuff of celestial haute couture.

Moving to Dance's sublime curse,
blood the dahlia red of Mars.
The distant whine of the universe,
and slow trembling of the stars.

.wen loong

Through the Looking Glass

2008-01-04T05:47:00.000-08:00

Squeaky swings and tall grass
The longest shadows ever cast
The water's warm and children swim
And we frolicked about in our summer skin.

Note to self: Today I observed a baby on the bus with his mom. He, or she, was really cute! She or he was like this infant cherub with rosy cheeks and a smile that could melt your heart. When he or she laughed, it was like wind chimes tinkling softly over and over with its lilting decibels.

She or he kept on smiling and giggling to the people who were sitting behind her seat. All of them seemed to be mesmerized by her completely delightful mannerisms.

The baby cocked her head to one side like a song thrush who's seen a potential mate and is preparing to burst into joyous song.

She or her played hide and seek with the worn faux leather of the bus seats, popping her head out to gaze lovably at the people behind her and gurgling with mirth.

The people behind her humored her and made faces and animal shapes with their fingers and those queer tickling noises that one always makes when teasing an infant. They wrinkled their faces in merriment, bobbing their heads here and there while the baby moved left and right, laughing away and having the time of his/her life.

It made me realize this.

Just because of one baby who was cute, something changed in strangers' hearts. A curious magic transmutated their characters, kneading and reshaping the molten lead that were their hearts. Into a remarkable writhing ivy of warmth that grew and grew and spread its nourishing roots and leaves all around their being, filling them with good will and kindness. Its living ochre tendrils caused them to do acts of virtue.

So I thought, if one baby can make such a difference in people, the people can't be that beastly. Everyone must have some good in them, even if they only possess a shard of decency. Deep inside our psyche there most probably is that innate...impulse to give bliss to others, to pay it forward.

That made me think of Death Cab's "Summer Skin". We all have some good in us left, but come hard times, during the cold winter, we fortify ourselves and cut off all the chinks in our armor, not letting anyone in, not the harsh, bitter chill nor the blazing autumn. Those breezy days of hot glory and running down the glittering tar helter-skelter with my bandwagon and roller blades would not last.

I learned something from that baby in the bus.

We left our love in our summer skin.

I did it.

2007-11-19T22:36:00.000-08:00

26 km run. I can't believe I did it. Thanks Ben for pushing me to complete the run, although you knew long d wasn't my forte and I've hated it ever since that time, you still didn't care a damn. xD I appreciate that.

Time ta force Ben to sprint for his life.

Sweet 16th: Bright the hawk's flight, on the empty sky.

2007-11-17T21:39:00.000-08:00

A word is dead
When it is said
Some say

I say it just
Begins to live
That day.

-Emily Dickinson-

On this day, the word was "twilight".

Why that word, well, twilight has this peppy atmosphere of slowly-burning embers melting away in the terracotta sky.

The merry hues of laughter from the party woke up the disgruntled neighbors, made bull terriers howl and made the stars giggle into little amber pockets of liquid light, which tickled the cosmos into reluctant submission. The Universe that night twinkled in a slender, dark beauty that was all its own.

George Lucas would've been proud.

Tonight, "twilight" was given new life.

Thank you everyone who came to the party. It meant the world. xD

Sweet 16. Hmm...

At the heart of the impulse to grow older, is a mystery so profound.

Lying awake at night

2007-08-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night.

The math test is over. =) Now I still have loads more projects, essays, assignments and presentations to do. MI essay, Physics Assignment, Chem Presentation, Statistics Assignment, LA Future Problem Solving Project and Presentation, my un-proof-read LA Essay, and many more which I am too tired to name.

But I'm a symbol of positivity, not of pain. So it's no use cringing and grimacing about the workload, I'll take it in my stride like I always have. Thank God I have family and friends. They really are formidable reservoirs of fortitude and strength.

Today something wicked happened. =) But since I'm so fatigued and because I just don't plan on telling, I'll keep it to myself to smile about, and lie awake at night pondering.

Oh and one other thing. I promised to post a nice freeze on my blog since the old freeze during Aristal was awful, here it is. Can't say much about the face though. I like facial expressions when I'm dancing.

Dancing may be dreaming with your feet, but its also spinning with your toes, shuffling with your hips, and tapping with your elbows. It is spiraling on your head, grooving with your heels, clicking your soles together. One things for certain. When you dance, the floor reverberates to mimic the beating rhythm of your heart. It's remarkably haunting, in a sense?

Like some vividly beautiful hallucination...
The world doesn't matter.

.wen loong

When you feel embarrassed then i'll be your pride

2007-08-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

"Do they collide?"
i ask and you smile.
with my feet on the dash
the world doesn't matter.

. I figured I'd write this post for someone else who needs it more than I do. A junior whom I've gotten to know and whom I feel is going through a tough time. You know who you are.

Firstly, the cliche advice. Don't bother what people think. There will always be haters in your life, as is the same with everyone else's. Everyone has a blotted phase in the pages of their lives which are ink-stained with memories of bitter enemies and teasing and ostracism. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. Don't allow yourself to sink into the placating power of sentimentality, holding the belief that no one suffers as much as you do. Everyone suffers at some point. Now that you're in pain, grow stronger. It's a message.

Again, this advice maybe be a quip that you have heard from dozens of friends, but it's time you stopped brushing it off and started to see reason. The reason why advice like this becomes cliche is because cliche things are often the most true.

One other thing. Don't look back. It is so easy to dwell in the past, to revel in your previous exploits and compare then and now. The fact is you can't compare. You've matured. With each year, time brings a new lease of Life. There are more challenges to face, more obstacles to overcome, more enemies to fight against.

But there are also more more friends to make, more relationships to build, more love to share, and more strength and fortitude to make a difference in the world. Trust me, you CAN really make a difference in NJ.

How? Doesn't matter. When you muster the courage to begin Life anew, you'll find a way. God gives talent, work transgresses talent.

Although sometimes the world may seem an unfamiliar and sinister place, believe me when I say there is much more good in the world than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough.

Lastly I leave you with a quote from C.S Lewis,

“I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.”

Remember, though Jesus takes the wheel, first you have to be in the passenger seat.

.wen loong

Now I'm the fool for loving you.

2007-07-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I don't feel like blogging right now. But there's a chance you might read this. If so, how could you do that? You really are an expert at pretence. Deceit, concealment, you enshrouded me in a web of mystery. You gave me the impression that you were this completely different person. You hid stuff I should know about from me. You lied to me. We were best friends, but why does that not mean anything to you? I'm hurt not only because of that, but because I really did care for you. Alot. More than that. I really liked you.

Why is it we always fall in love with our best friends? Is it because we know we can trust them always? Is it because we know them so well? Is it because of the way they know precisely what's going on in our heads? Or is it because they are there any second, any minute, any day, anytime, without the promise of hugs, kisses, or whispered sentiments of romance? I think we love them because they're there when there is nothing in it for them except for that little glimmer of hope that maybe someday there will be.

We did share a lot, but you must have not realized it for you to betray a friend like this. You cast aside all the laughs and the talking in order to go against a friend.

Friends are the reason why even at the saddest parts of my life, I smile. Why even in my confusion, I understand. Why even at betrayal, I trust. Why even in fear of being hurt, I love.

Part of me still likes you a lot, and wishes I could have the courage to ask you what happened. Another part of me is just too hurt to act on it. Should I feel guilty that I might have gotten the wrong conclusion? Enlighten me.

Anyone seen my ipod?

2007-06-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

Gosh I lost my ipod shuffle during dance chalet! Didn't notice till I got back, I know i had it during the dance party...Anyone who's seen it please tell me! Its white and its the old version of the ipod shuffle, the rectangular white one with the detachable bottom for the usb drive... I'd die without music? Well not literally but I love my ipod =(

And to all those lucky people going for planetshakers, good for you=)

Strange as it seems, she's the one I'm after

2007-06-10T06:20:00.000-07:00

Cause she's bittersweet

She knocks me off my feet

I can't help myself

I don't want anyone else

She's a mystery

She's too much for me

But I keep comin' back for more

She's just the girl I'm lookin' for

Was listening to my good ole' iPod Shuffle coming back from Uncle John's baby boy's first month celebration=), and it shuffled to Just The Girl by Click Five. Its not the most recent song, nor does it have the sickest beat or the best vocals, but the lyrics really do ring true.

Have you ever had a quirky person in your life like that? I think they're all over the world, scattered among sidewalks and boulevards, a friend of your friend's friend's friend, the odd Dior addicted girl who popped in to borrow books from your neighbour during Christmas, or whom you happened to bump into while trying to negotiate your frappachino from the Starbucks cashier.

They are the girls/guys whose destinies in this world were never meant to cross with yours, but somehow or other, due to some miraculous circumstance, your paths cross, and you find you have so much in common, the same music tastes, the same worries, fears, triumphs, you find the same things funny, and you think that Scarface was the most overrated gangster movie ever.

You share so many interests and hobbies, at first you think its almost as if it was impossible not to have met during the pursuit of one or more of these endeavours. Wasn't she the girl arguing with that guy in school? No wait... she was that girl sitting at the window seat during evening mass!

There's a tangible feeling of deja vu which permeates each encounter with her. Now that you know her personally, you can't escape the notion which itches at the back of your mind--you've seen her before.

Everytime you meet, the air seems brighter, colors seem richer than their dulled norm, sadness fades away like the flight of the phoenix at the break of day. You share the pain and joy of living, give each other hope, and fight the battles of everyday life together.

Strange as it seems, its her quirkiness, her indescribable aura of being just plain different, her wonky smile, the little scraps of eccentricity that distill into an aroma which is almost...overpowering. You realize. What you're looking for, is right beside you.

Of course, she will never know this. You will never have the courage to tell her, fearful of the usual withdrawal, that almost inevitable ruining of friendship forever if you were to have blurted it out to her. If not telling her guarantees she will stay your friend, then odds are you will never tell her.

Eventually, time will weave its spell of change, and the connection between you and her will be severed, to further your education, or simply due to the amorous irony of providence, you and her will go your seperate ways.

We'll fall back...

Back to the lives we once lead, as if both of us have never met.

There's only one problem. I still love her.

She's cold and she's cruel

But she knows what she's doin'

She pushed me in the pool

At our last school reunion

She laughs at my dreams

But I dream about her laughter

Strange as it seems

She's the one I'm after

Cause she's bittersweet

She knocks me off of my feet

And I can't help myself

I don't want anyone else

She's a mystery

She's too much for me

But I keep comin' back for more

She's just the girl I'm lookin' for

She can't keep a secret

For more than an hour

She runs on 100 proof attitude power

And the more she ignores me

The more I adore her

What can I do?I'd do anything for her

Cause she's bittersweet

She knocks me off of my feet

And I can't help myself

I don't want anyone else

She's a mystery

She's too much for me

But I keep comin' back for more

She's just the girl I'm lookin' for

And when she sees it's me

On her caller ID

She won't pick up the phone

She'd rather be alone

But I can't give up just yet

Cause every word she's ever said

Is still ringin' in my head

Still ringin' in my head

She's cold and she's cruel

But she knows what she's doin'

Knows just what to say

So my whole day is ruined

Cause she's bittersweet

She knocks me off of my feet

And I can't help myself

I don't want anyone else

She's a mystery

She's too much for me

But I keep comin' back for more

Cause she's bittersweet

She knocks me off of my feet

And I can't help myself

I don't want anyone else

She's a mystery

She's too much for me

But I keep comin' back for more

Oh, I keep comin' back for more

She's just the girl I'm lookin' for

Just the girl I'm lookin' for

I'm lookin' for

Just the girl I'm lookin' for

More Aristal Pics! Nostalgia

2007-06-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

Are you born to move?

Awesome Western Dance shirt with two bboys and two ballerinas in foreground.

The fantabulous J1s + Charvi!

Tingzhi, Me, Wenlin and Charvi. Two Chi dancers, two WDancers! Chemical Equation balanced! haha...

Tingzhi! Your body's gone! =p

Group Aristal pic with ALL dance groups from Combined Dance!

We're doing Alphabets! Wenlin's doing a C for Chinese Dance, Jiateng and I form a big W. Or not?

I think last year's Aristal shirt was alot nicer than this year's. =( The NJWD shirt exceeds expectations as usual.=) I just saw a design that got rejected but was like an amalgam or infusion of all the dance groups on a playing card. Its alot nicer! Sigh... Memories! xD

P.S The one handed freeze is terribly bad=( I'm going to make up for it by posting a good freeze next time. If I did it too high i would've kicked Jiateng? haha...till next time, nights!

Dance Dance by Fallout Boy xD

2007-05-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

I know its not the most new song, but I've gotta give credit to Fallout Boys. This music video is wicked.=)

Dance dance...I think I saw krumping, dimestopping and headspins in the video.=)

I've noticed music videos are very alienated from reality. Its like being in stuck in a gothic horror film noir motion picture, or a graphic retro nightmare novel of the 1970s, with gyrating dico balls and pebble stone glasses. There is a certain ebullience and a vivid realism on screen that is sadly lacking in real life.

Wouldn't life be better if it was a music video? Emotions and feelings are absolute, straightforward and uncomplicated. You can tell if someone loves you or not, or just being a maladjusted nerd. In reality, what people feel and what they think are so intricate its almost impossible to extricate a predominant state of mind from amongst the maelstrom of emotions a person experiences.

Like Oscar Wilde once said, "I love acting. It is so much more real than life."

Aristal rocked. There's Never a Right Time to Say Goodbye...

2007-05-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

Aristal was beautiful, it was mesmerizing, it was vibrant and sizzling with a candor that was all its own. Thank you to all the combined dance people who danced so well and were filled with life and energy, thank you Hui Ting for going through the hip hop steps over and over againxD, thank you Gabbie for being a uber cheerful soul who kept everyone's spirits up, thank you Zhang Fan for entertaining me with freestyle liquid and popping, thank you Jia Teng for being a great guy to dance with,thank you Serene for always blocking my path and cracking jokes that brighten my day, thank you Wenlin from Chinese Dance for being so encouraging and full of joy and laughs to share when I needed some=), thank you Tingzhi for saying hi! haha, thank you Jessica (Rah's friend) who helped the combined dancers backstage to take pics, thanks ShuYi and Joel for hosting Aristal 2007, thanks Mr Michael Tay for putting me in combined dance, thanks Timothy for teaching me the moves, thank you everyone who came, Ben, Reub, Jer, Andy, to watch Aristal 2007. Last of all, thank you NJ Western Dance.

NJ Western Dance has offered me something I'll always cherish. Love, warmth, friendship, passion. Its taught me that it doesn't matter how you prepare, what you plan, or where you begin, because... with dance, you always end up in a place you never expected to be.

With Aristal 2007 finished, a chapter in my life ends. As I trace the cherubic engravings on the bookmark which is my life, I am compelled to feel a tremendous pang of guilt and anguish.

This is it guys.

You have to go on without me.

Don't be surprised, you knew it was coming.

Just as I did...

It wasn't my choice to make.

I wonder whether it ever was mine in the first place...its in my parent's hands now.

...and they've made their decision. I have to comply.

Did I put up resistance? Didn't I say no? Of course I did. I love NJWD.

But I love my parents more... whatever the cost, I have to respect their decision.

Hoping this decision will lead me one step closer to the person they envision.

Am I sad? No. Sad is when you lose your wallet, or when your cat's been knocked over by a car (oops no pun intended kat=p). Sad is when you happened to want a double short black mocha from Starbucks but your friend bought you a decaf. When you score extra low on a math test and the teacher gives you a grin.

No, what I feel is wholly different. I've been eviscerated. Emptied. There's nothing left but a hollow shell, a decaying husk of withered granite.

The memories keep flooding back. They won't stop. Those of you who were wondering why I was emo during the days leading to Aristal, this is the reason. Because as much as Aristal 2007 was a symbol of resurrection and revival, a renaissance of sorts for Dance, a day of jubilance and flashes of cameras...

It was a day of mourning for me.

I knew that if I'd shown it during Aristal on the day itself, I would never feel complete. When the dancers smiled, I smiled. When they laughed, I laughed. When they cried, I cried. I immersed my self, overwhelmed my head with these delightful sensations, thoughts, sounds, because I knew that these would be my last.

Like someone wise once told me. 'Drink in the moments, that take your breath away."

*To dancers who have read this post. Don't judge me on who I was. Judge me for what I stood for.

This is it guys.

Time to face up to the mystery of Life.

Mohinder Suresh from the final episode of Heroes spoke of the human heart. I watched the episode the night before Aristal. Maybe I was meant to watch it.

"Where does it come from—this quest, this need to solve life's mysteries when the simplest of questions can never be answered? Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. But that's not human nature. Not the human heart. That is not why we are here. Yet still we struggle to make a difference, to change the world, to dream of hope; never knowing for certain whom we will meet along the way. Who among the world of strangers will hold our hand, touch our hearts, and share the pain of trying..."

I am trying. Everyday. To embrace destiny. And conquer my fears.

.wen loong

Chocolate

2007-05-25T01:24:00.000-07:00

Ben, Reub and I went to The Legends for a buffet lunch, it was kinda near NJ=) Gosh the spread was really mouthwatering=) Charcoal-grilled pizza with tomato pesto and pepperoni, italian dressed salad with balsamic vinegar sauteed with olive oil and sunflower seeds, juicy lamb with black pepper sauce, and a lovely selection of sausages and chipolatas of various shapes and sizes, complete with roasted potato and smoked salmon with pickled jellyfish. xD Mmmm....

Then we poured chocolate over our ice kacang to make the chocolate freeze... Good idea, for a time....

Then went for Aristal Tech Run at Ngee Ann Poly, which has a pretty funky food court! I liked the western food=)

Oops gotta go finish MI essay. Thanks Ben for the discount on the food=)

Everything we've ever done, has led to this moment.

2007-05-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

The journey of the 39th Student Council has ended, a tortuous path filled with opportunities, regrets and obstacles that were only overcome through sheer determination, and the unrelenting united effort of council friends, acting towards a common goal, for a singular purpose.

Being in council's taught me alot. In a sense being a leader you're always learning more about the world, about yourself, and about others. You learn to believe in the power cosmic. To believe in the way astronomers look at the universe. As leaders, we first have to focus on the great microcosm, ourselves, to look inward, build our character and strengthen our relationships and connections, before looking at the equally important macrocosm, the world in its entirety.

I believe people CAN make a difference in the world. If one person posesses the necessary drive and foresight, then 69 people can change the world beyond anyone's wildest imaginations.

Dom Helder Camara:
When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.

I've made friends. I've forged bonds. I've built ties. I've loved everyone of Council like a sibling, because in a certain remarkably ironic sense, being in council is like being in an rather large extended family. They are all your siblings, your blood brothers and sisters. There is a haunting melody of fey passion that runs through all our blood. We share this, all of us do.

So in a sense, if anyone asked me "Would you turn back the clock and not have joined the 39th Student Council?"

I'd say I genuinely would not. This sounds cliche, but I don't regret it. There are few experiences in Life which would have made such an enlightened, bewitching, momentous, weighty and ardent impact on my life.

I can look back at what Ive done, the friends I've made, the gruelling challenges we've overcome, and say...I've grown to be a better person.

Thank you 39th Student Council. You will remain very close to my heart, always, and forever.

.wen loong

Zhang Fan and me.

Jiayi and me.

Me, Stan, and Haikal

Daniel and Me.

(Wow everyone I took a pic with is a dancer except for Haikal...Odd one out!=p)

Who am I?

2007-05-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

Hello. My name is Lee Wen Loong.

I enjoy living each day.
I am extremely serious, and heavily hypocritical of my own errors.
Most of what I have achieved, has been in attempts to prove other people wrong.
Unfortunately determination seems to desert me when I direly need it.
I estimate my life to be about 15% completed.
Physically, I am content with myself.
Emotionally, I am far too sensitive, and am easily hurt or offended.
As a young boy, I made a promise to my mom to never drink, steal, or take drugs.
I have always kept my promise to my mom.
I try to be a good Catholic, but often I fail in doing so.
My passions in life are the raw expressions of dance, music, writing and art.
I am blessed to have had many friends in my life.
I am cursed to have not the will to keep them.
In life I have scorned innocent people,
I was once proud, and thrived on the misfortunes of others.
I have hurt the many people who have loved me.
Mostly by putting my own selfish interests at heart.
I have never physically hurt someone badly, but I confess I have wished to do so on many occasions.
I harbour no real regrets, merely the hope that if I do enough good I may be forgiven.
Quintessentially, I am brave because I am scared of being a coward.
I have learnt to be righteously indignant when telling the truth, because I have lied in fear.
I have broken my left wrist, dislocated my right ankle and torn multiple ligaments in my body.
As a toddler, I had BIG dreams of being an astronaut or a rocket scientist, shooting jets into the stars.
I once filled a ballon with hydrogen gas and exploded it in the backyard.
I am a paradox.
I react emotionally to anything, and everything.
I think of something as a whole with consequences and forthcomings.
I can forgive, but I can never forget if I am wounded, be it on my flesh or in my heart.
I don't want to care what people think.
I am always afraid of what people think of me.
I have used anger as a nuclear furnace to focus my resolve.
I am an anomaly.
I crave the solitude of being by myself, but at the same time, I feel the need to be with others.
I think too much, and it is both my gift and my curse, my pandora's box and my saving grace.
Everyday, I make terrible decisions which I regret making.
I was once in drama, and have acted in school plays.
I hold grudges, and don't let go of them easily.
I grew up craving individuality, honor and faith.
Nowadays, I want to avoid judgement and popularity.
I sometimes feel I don't deserve such a loving family and caring friends.
I have failed Chinese a total of six times, and D&T too for spilling hot glue on the teacher.
I have fallen unconscious twice, once through falling to the floor and the other when I had bad flu.
I have never betrayed a best friend.
I sorely miss my dog Brownie who was given away to a cousin when I was eleven.
There are about five people in my life that truly care about me.
I've been bullied before.
I've fought back before.
I've been severely down and depressed before in my life.
Nothing I do can repay what my parents have sacrificed and done for me.
I am never oblivious to my own actions.
With each action I am fully aware of its respective reasons and impacts.
I am often appalled at my own behaviour, and of the level of my self-esteem.
I am always thinking.
My heart has been broken before, and likewise I have broken a heart before.
I don't take criticism well, though I try very hard to take it in my stride and look on the positive side.
Profanity is something I detest, and is never found in my everyday conversations.
Nothing could hurt me more than to be lied to by a friend or family.
I have learnt that we fall in order to learn how to pick ourselves up.
I have also learnt that knowing the path and walking it are two different things.
I have failed many tests, disappointed many people, fallen short of countless expectations, and given up many times over.
I exist here, today, because I know the battle isn't over until you stop fighting.

I am not a good person by nature, but I with all my being try my best to be.
I have nothing to show that is whole and perfect, but I believe I can still be appreciated for who I am and what I believe in.
I am not always full of confidence, ease and calm.
My nerves have been frayed before.
I can be profound but hardly ever pragmatic.
I can be strict with what I want, but slightly inflexible with what others want.
I am not naturally gifted, blessed or talented, musically, mathematically or otherwise.
I often jump to first impressions and my judgements are cracked with flaws, loopholes and gossip.
I have made, and will continue to make mistakes, but when I make an apology, it is heartfelt and never artificial.
One day I hope to meet Nelson Mandela.
I am not an end in itself, but a beginning, to better, stronger, brighter things.

I am sometimes conflicted with going with my head or my heart, with impulse or common sense.
It is very significant to me that I look to the bright side of things, and always stay positive no matter what.
It is also very important to me to live each day to the fullest, and therefore, live life to the fullest.
There is no last day to feel sorrow, or grieve or feel joy, there is no last chance for me to make a difference in this world.
Even when it seems there is, there isn't.
It feels good to work towards a greater good, the joy of the world.
It feels good to begin living.
It feels good to be alive.

Its a pleasure to meet you.

I'm Still Here

2007-04-14T20:49:00.000-07:00

I am a question to the world,

Not an answer to be heard,

Or a moment

That's held in your arms.

This is a random pic from when our juniors gave us these awesome snakes=) (Even though we found out IKEA was having a mega sale for these)xD

Tiff's hair during Chinese New Year 2007... Rebonded?

Tiff's hair during normal school life (in reality) =) Fine I'm kidding she messed her hair up like that on purpose. Kinda cool though right?

I forgot to upload the Chinese New Year Pics=) I think this year's celebrations were sooo much more fun than last years'.

Every new year, I can't help but think about the past. The past. Seems like alot of mistakes---discoveries and revelations.

Friends; they come and go, relationships; die off, and sometimes, (quite often) you make humungous mistakes which you regret not having handled differently.

You are influenced greatly by your friends, who reveal to you that enchanted world of bewitching music and addictive dances, a fervor beyond the mere ear-screeching realm of heavy metal or the lazy cadence of jazz, a fever which outburns the impassioned orbit of Fred Astaire's dancing.

'Remember the first time you started dancing?"

How could I forget?

"Nope, care to refresh my memory mom?"

I still cringe at those memories.

"It was the spring of 'ninety eight, while you were in Perth?"

Was it? That memory was dank and dusky, if my mind had a filing system, the guy in charge had one too many shots of Tequila.

"Don't you remember the hat?"

Something swam into focus...

"You slept with the hat on?!"

Ah yes. NOW I recall. I was only a little tyke back then, and it was a felt fedora hat, slightly upturned at the brim and a dark, chocolatey black. It had a mysterious allure about it, a surreal, gothic film noir quality which made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when I donned it, and my teeny heart beat faster.

"Not EVERY night! Mom!"

Indeed it was the spring of ninety eight, and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and "The Way You Make Me Feel" boomed out of every car window and ghetto blaster. MTV wasn't so popular then, but in the past months the telly had drawn me like a sightless moth to an invisible flame. I'd never seen anything remotely like the dance sequences for "Thriller" before, the mesmerizing gyrations and spins, the sinister shuffle of the zombies ; a medley of feet twisting, pointing, kicking, locking, whirling...It seemed to me something alien--- both fascinating and terrifying.

I went off dancing for a few years until something I witnessed changed my perception of dance forever. Ironically, all this happened overseas, in sunny L.A. California--downhill from Union Station at an open concrete pavement in Little Tokyo...

"Mom what're they doing?"

"Gymnasts probably. They're performing for money."

Gymnasts? Dancing with carboard taped to the glistening concrete? I looked on awestruck--- The dancers seemed to be....I swallowed... flying. The whip of one of their legs sent them spiralling through the air, Newton was wrong, totally wrong, here were people who defied the laws of gravity, they took it and bent it as they pleased. Gliding, drifting, flipping through the air, they were the highest intelligence in the freest body;

It was love at first sight.

Dance is like a bank robbery, it takes split second timing

2007-04-07T05:39:00.000-07:00

Terrific. I couldn't go for Danceworks 2007=( I thought there weren't any more tickets but apparently there was one more booked for me... Sorry Priya! Thanks loads for your help!

I guess maybe its a good thing to miss Danceworks, I DID get to spend time with my folks in Great World eating Thai food at Siamkitchen and shopping, family is more important than dance.

And regarding Good Friday. The day Jesus died for us. I reflected on many things which have been on my mind recently, and asked myself "Am I focusing on the right things in Life?".

Or other questions like "Did God sacrifice in vain? How can I rise up to be the person he envisioned me to be in his eyes? Is God the bedrock of my Life now?"

I still don't know the answer to some of these questions.

Mariam Williamson wrote these words, and I think they're one of the most beautiful truths about Life and God.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This quote never fails to make me feel better when I'm all down and despondent. Hope you feel better too.

Its hard to say it time to say it, goodbye, goodbye...

2007-03-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

I miss orientation. I miss the late walk-in rehearsals, I miss the hot sand biting into our toes with zeal under the unforgiving Sentosa sun, I miss running around Singapore playing aimless, totally random but extremely entertaining station games, I miss coming school everyday at unearthly hours, while the night accentuated the moon, JUST to have a briefing for OGLs, I miss my junior's lost and blur faces when they entered NJ, I miss dancing to the addictive beat of Sexyback for the Lignum Walk In, I miss printing snow angels in the sand with the Goodies man, Ben and Fadlhi, or letting out testosterone by brutally grappling with the guys and eventually formulating a new sport, "Lignum-style Rugby".

I remember Fadlhi's scandalous shirt, and our sunburns at Sentosa, and war games near the linkway, and our rockin Lignum cheer. *Sighs... These are memories that I'll cherish forever. For those of you who are thinking of becoming an OGL for next years orientation, go for it xD It'll be the highlight of your year.

I guess when we look back in nostalgia say, 50 years from now, we won't remember the homework or what we learned in algebra last week, or how horribly badly we did in our End-of Year Exams, what we'll remember is the feeling that permeates our years of teenage angst. The bonds, ties, relationships and connections we've made will forever glitter beyond these dusty years, tying our lives and our destinies inextricably to one another. And after our education, what we'll come out of university with is the ability to be sound adults that the world can lean on, people with skills, rather than a freshman with rote-learned facts from some textbook. We'll be able to look back, but only to the good times, the friends we've made, the people we've met, the laughs we've shared, we will endeavour to wash away the thought of our enemies and the obstacles we've overcome, and reminisce more on the splendor of our youth, how lighthearted it was, and how the world seemed so vast and alien. No one wants to remember a bad childhood. As a close friend who's not with us anymore once told me,

" Your childhood is something that is more precious than ten thousand gold ingots, more expensive than setting up a "Subway" in NJC, its something you can't get back. Don't waste it. Better yet, enjoy it. Bask in the joy of now. Let each passing moment take your breath away."

For now, the past should be a brief reflection, and the future, well, the future is what WE make it. =)

Changed blogskin=)

2007-03-24T05:49:00.000-07:00

Ryan Conferido kicks arse. This is insaaannneee... He's totally my idol!

I can do his freeze but only with left hand. Ryan can SWITCH hands in an airnike then drop to an elbow pike! whoa...makes you wonder whether his elbow has any nerves=p

Love my blogskin=)

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.

2007-03-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

Mgs dance auditions (Alex and me)

I must warn you if you read any further you will be depressed.

Life isn't like the movies. It just isn't.

You know dance movies like "Step Up" and "Stomp the Yard"? Unrealistic. As much as I wish it, I have to go swimming back to reality. My parents don't support me dancing. They haven't even seen me dance.

As much as I wish that (like Stomp the Yard) I could bust a move which "encapsulates the focal point of a generation of breakdance" and goes "beyond pride, rivalry and tradition" and will make my parents finally acknowledge their proud of me, it isn't going to happen. Life is a tangled web of wasted opporutnities, its an enshrouding cloud of futility. Dying hopes, dreams and aspirations blowing up in your face... How can people believe that the world has more good in it than bad?

Either way, I love dancing, and no one can take that away from me.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need `em again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

OhhhhhI've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

Way Back Into Love sung by Hugh Grant and Hayley Bennett

Bye sharon =(

2007-02-05T22:36:00.000-08:00

Heya! Haven't had the time to blog in ages, can never seem to find the time! =p Okay, on Saturday we had Sharon's "Farewell" Party, which was really sad but had loads of fun laughing with Andy and Rachel and Grace and Pam and Joyce Yap=) I didn't realise I had pervy looking specs...=(

Here are the pics!

The New Year is here, things are so gonna change xD

2007-01-06T03:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I said there would be a hiatus, but heck, OGL rehearsals have left me so distraught I'm going to do some finger exercises.

First of all to all my friends, a belated happy New Year!xD Lou I still have to pass you your Christmas gift!

Now for the important stuff, New Year Resolutions! Firstly I'd like to thank the people in my life who have given me the strength to go on, my mom, she's great, she keeps me running, and she's been such a tremendous role model which is why I really want to make her proud of me.

My bro, for reminding me that I have something to live up to, thanks, though you probably won't be reading this because you're playing Prince of Persia: Sands of Time on Playstation 2.

Ben aka ben da man, who has really helped me understand what seizing the moment of opportunity is all about (Ben you know what I mean) xD and teaching me a big Life philosophy, that you can't worry too much, you have to go with the flow and live your life to the fullest, because ultimately its all in God's big plan for us. I couldn't have a better friend. Funny how its all in God's plan huh? In VS you were the joker and I was the shy drama guy lol.

Lou aka Louie for making me so much more empathic and making me a better friend, and helping me understand the importance of sharing what happened everyday with each other. If you recall when I was Secondary 2 I was extremely shy and I mean REALLY shy. Thanks so much Lou! xD You've been a fantastic friend.

Rach aka Rachel, you've taught me so much about how God is always there even when it seemed like there wasn't an ounce of strength in me, and also gave me the motivation to try to be a better dancer. Oh and you also always give me advice on relationship stuff, I owe you loads.

Tabitha aka Tabbie, you are so funny =) Remember during orientation in our OG? You were really really quiet and I thought all mgs girls were like you =) In a good way! Quiet is nice I was shy too. Anyway I thought mgs girls were quiet till I met Sheena, but let's keep it to Tabs first okay? xD How has Tab influenced me? Well Tab you've made me realize how to talk to people for one, and you have a neat personality, though you're bubbly you say you're sad and want to sleep forever =) You have been an amazing friend and have never failed to give me solid, down to earth relationship advice (making me wonder what they teach in mgs) =) And furthermore you are a great morale booster or maybe its because we both try to cheer ourselves up because we're feeling down most of the time. Does it help that you're the most emo person I know? xD I really feel I can talk to you. Brilliant friend.

Charvi, and Tiffany, you two close friends have the very distinct pleasure and gracious honour of being mentioned in the same paragraph xD Well its secretly because I have had alot of finger exercise today, but mostly because I see you two as two parts of the same whole. Tiff, what with your impeccable English and immaculate countenance, Charvi, with your indistinct wackiness and inclination to chuckle at my feeble attempts at humour, thank you for making me more caring. I genuinely love talking to you guys, and getting to rip you guys off by conning you two to buy me a 19 dollar ice cream combo? Refresh my memory if I am wrong xD

Chuyun, Samarth dude with funky new hairstyle, oh and Gen Thong from my senior class, thanks for all the fun we've had and the laughs we've shared! Gen can't forget the time we danced Car Wash at orientation dance partayee, seemed like ages ago. Really meant alot.

ARGH! Time for New Year Resolutions.....and the nominees are...

1)Run on alternate days for 20km at East Coast.
2)Be a better dancer. (My hip hop sucks and Phoebe has really made me feel I'm bad after I slammed her head during my front handspring on her back....ouch oh yeah and I made her do a back hollowbackwhich must have hurt. So yeah I'll really try to improve, maybe then I can join WD lol Sorry Phoebe just chasing a dream =)
3)Ask her out more often. (Can I buy the guts?)
4)Make my mom proud.
5) Learn how to play Shinedown's "45" on acoustic guitar if Jeremy can teach me.xD
6)Be a good senior to my juniors, kind of like a second Gen, yeah.
7)Cut 2.4 km timing to 9 minutes (needs alot of effort mannn=p my best is like only 10:10 and that was with Mr. Mennon trying to kill me with 15 rounds during makeup PE. Jogging partner anyone?
8)And finally get good grades, by the way the list is not prioritised if it were I would be worried =)

Christmas is all around xD

2006-12-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

Aww darn, another year has gone by and, you know that quirky feeling you get in your stomach that you would take back something you've could have done better in the year? Well on a scale of one to ten, I'm getting a 40. =p

Christmas is coming, and so is my birthday! xD So let's just hope everything will work itself out. (Though things never do)

oh read an interesting quote today, here it is from the world's most overrated show, Star Trek.

"Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived. "
played by Patrick Stewart, from the film "Star Trek: Generations"

or this is cool too.

Ernest Dowson:
They are not long,
the weeping and the laughter,
Love and desire and hate:
I think they have no portion in us
after We pass the gate.
They are not long, the days of wine and roses;
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while,
then closes
Within a dream.

ok one last one! haha =)
Abraham Lincoln:
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. xD

Oh and I also read this book, (romance), and the introduction says
" Eskimos have fifty different words for snow. There's fallen snow, soft snow, packd snow, trampled snow, hot snow, snow in the house, snow on the carpet. If Eskimos have fifty different words for snow because its a matter of Life and Death for them, why is it that we only have one word for love?"

So this Christmas, when you're having a reunion with that out of town in-law you're not that close to, contemplate the fact that this love you're spreading around. What kind is it? Maybe that's the reason why some couples break up when they get together, because they aren't really in love, they just have no other word to describe how they feel for each other. A passing fancy? Stronger than that. Total amorous love? Weaker than that.

Love comes in all shapes and forms, all sizes and shades. Whether maternal love, brotherly, emotional and that icky kind of love, its still love. So in the words of Dale Evans, I give you this revelation. "Every time we love, every time we give, ....its Christmas." =)

Melbourne was fun, lots of sightseeing! xD

2006-11-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

Heya I just came back from Melbourne, Australia. Unending horizons, blooming flowers, great shopping, and loads of pictures! xD

Oh and I saw a street performer in the Adelaide Streets who had rippling muscle. He was doing some stunt with flips and somersaults and gainers, and he had VEINS on his VEINS. I was blown away! =p

Anyway here are the pictures I took on my camera, my bro took a few shots too but those are on his camera.

My cousins Megan and Seth are soo cute! They were really nice too, their parents let us stay over at their house for a few days.

The quiet calm of the open sea at the Great Ocean Road in Melbourne.
You know there is really a place named "Ocean Avenue"? xD

Yikes. Don't remind me. Fashion crisis here. Sharon will say something about this again.=p Something to do with blusher hmm?

My brother on a bench with the countryside behind him xD

No comment.=p

Its really beautiful. Real windy there.

At the Twelve Apostles. They're rocks. xD

Amazing.

Feeding the little tykes.

Life is a bed of roses, don't you just love the thorns? xD From Ben's blog. =p
That's all for now, see you later! haha =)

Dim Sum Dollies Musical =)

2006-11-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

Dim Sum Dollies Musical! haha..It was extremely scandalously fun!xD Audrey Two! Cracked me up!

Thanks 06 and 01 for the company, it was a great year for us, thanks for all the times we shared...xD

Love you guys loads.

YEAR END DANCE PARTAYYE was INCREDIBLE!

2006-10-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

Two things I've learned from last night were that, Breaking brings people together, and that even when you feel like giving up, pray. God is always there with you.

Thanks D2BD crew, Rach and Tiff, thanks Ben, thanks Charleen, thanks Jessie xD

Last night was TOTAL happiness. Lost ourselves in the music. =)

D2BD Practice Rehearsal! xD

2006-10-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

Its the start of something new, it feels so right, to be here with you. xD Dance forever.

Happy Birthday Dad

2006-10-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

Today was my dad's birthday so I had to give a speech and sit for a dinner. It's his 50th birthday, (don't tell him that), so it was more meaningful than others. I guess its both a pleasure and a pain to know that half your life has gone by. I think it depends on how you perceive your life. If you don't look back, and have no regrets, then by all means, you have lived the first 50 years of your life gloriously. My dad has, and he's got his family. Happy Birthday! xD

My dad xD

Family and Friends =)

My Bro and I. Will we look like my dad when we grow up? Haha, keep us guessing!
My mom with Auntie Li Koon's newborn!

Michael put on some weight there.
Amanda smiling, got new glasses xD

After that we went back home and had supper, everyone chatted, I made my speech, then it was 12 and they all went home. The house was quiet. Love you Dad. Thanks for everything. xD

We all love our freezes.

2006-09-11T05:47:00.000-07:00

Ben gets amazing air with his side freeze.

Me with my shoulder freeze.

Ben again with his side freeze. Nice air again! =)

Will update soon...haha xD

Happy Birthday Sharon!

2006-09-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

Sharon Lim Wen Qi. NJCip. 06ip01. St. Margaret's Sec. Likes Peter Crouch. Likes sunflowers. Likes the following brands, Armani, Gucci, Christine Dior, Prada, and I hope, she likes MANGO. xD

She also is a huge fan of royalty, is an irrepressible mugger, wants to be a lawyer so badly, and likes guys who wear pink shirts? xD And she likes James Blunt, which I introduced her to.

These are just some of the things that Sharon may seem on the surface, but if you did not know her, she is also caring, sweet, lovable, determined, strong-headed, stubborn, (like me), honest, sincere, empathic, compassionate, but, most of all, she is the most steadfast friend I have ever known, and reminds me all the time how Canon in D sounds better coming from a violin than an electric guitar.

She sort of sprinkles stardust over our lives.

So thanks for always being there Sharon. And happy 15th Birthday! You're a great girl.=)

Bimbos!

2006-09-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hmm...Let's backtrack till before this alarming neoprint of bimbos surprised you. I was at CCAB with my pals at 6:30am, then I totally skipped swimming and watched the other guys floundering and Reuben clapping his hands.."joke, joke".

Then when swimming ended they didn't even provide a chartered bus back to school, so we ALL had to march to the bus stop and take a bus back to school. It felt strangely gloomy. Little was I to know what was about to happen.

Well, I guess I knew, after the bio makeup, because Charvi and I organized it, or perhaps it was Avril and Shanti who did it. Anyway, we did our biology dissection of a pig's heart, and cracked loads of puns and lame statements like Don't Phunk with my Heart, This is How A Heart Breaks, Show You the Shape of My Heart, Dead Man's Chest, and Where is Your Heart by Kelly Clarkson. The heart we dissected was rather muscly, and Ben was totally pumping water into it and so was Jer! And you see them plugging the tube into the bloody aorta then the reddish water with entrails comes SPURTING, yes, spurting, out into our faces. That was SO gross.

Well. Anyhow, they seemed to like it, Jer was talking about "Stockholm Syndrome" and Ben was talking about pong pong, or was it? Oh he was wearing his sweaty singlet again. Well, now we all know that Mr. Nah has broken alot of hearts! =) He's stabbed loads of hearts, and he's touched their hearts. hahaxD

Then, I left poor Ben to do his studying alone, but don't wory Wednesday I'll make it up to you. Chem rocks! =) Study!!=)

Oh yeahs. Back to where I left off. I went to change, then followed Charv down to the grandstand, had a kool talk with the cleaner who has seem Ben climbing over the gate over FIVE times....xD And she was saying that the DM has a record of it somewhere! Ben!!! And did random waiting but realized the side gate was closed so we journeyed back to the canteen, then waited at the atrium. Still no one. Charv's grandad had some trouble. So she seemed slightly affected, no matter, I was there!=)

We made our way to the bus stop via the LONG way, then took a bus to Orchard Cine, where CHarv astounded me by her amazing lack of direction. HUh=) Then we went and met Avril and Shanti and Cherie and then I realized that the floor had a HUGE GIGANTIC SHADOW BEHIND US!

I looked behind but saw nothing. Then I heard "Hi Avril!" and looked down. RACHEL!!! haha, it was you. Went to burger king where I crapped alot, or maybe it was just Avril, and Rachel thought that Botox was for slimming, Avril wanted loads of surgery she kept saying inject me!!!

Then we went to take photos at the wall with the cleavage! And all the girls touched it.xD I wasn't a girl, so yeah, I didn't. Lucky me. hMM..What happened after?

Oh! Charvi and Rachel took me to HEEREN a place I have never been to before, and is REALLY cool. The leather converse shoe I was eyeing had a price tag of 99.90. And the girls, (Rachel in particular, and Rachel if you're reading this that means YOU) did not buy ANYTHING, jsut window shopped and we all remarked on SOMEONE'S short fringe. As in really short, as in shortest of the short! Like a japanese Tai tai or a dim sum dolly! =)

You know who you are! haha, and Charv was relaxed for once, that was good, then I went and bought something, (shhh) Keep the secret guys! And we took neos! Spastic neos but neos nonetheless. =) Oh and Charv and Rachel know Japanese. Either that or they have ESP cos I was standing there and they were clicking button after button of Japanese words. Like the OBS motto goes "Just leave EVERYTHING to the girls!" xD

Good motto. And then I followed Rachie, aka Puffy Amiyumi, back to Orchard Cine and sat down to an 06 everyday talk! Things were flying around real fast, and I couldn't keep up, the girls completed each others sentences! Then they all GIGGLED. Calling Bee's boyfriend or crush or something, they were real bad! =) But I think Bee wanted it! xD

Went back real tired, thanks guys for a great day! Converse rocks! Chelsea! Long hair rocks!

I am blessed.

2006-08-30T23:12:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed to have a great class, a neat school, HOT friends, everything I could ever wish for. Thank you God.

Friends forever.

Swimming at CCAB

2006-08-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

Swimming at CCAB rocks! Here's the clique! Haha... Ben has the "don't mess with me because I had bad sushi today" look.

The three "emo" guys. I'm the only one smiling!=)

The Mafia. Ben is very strange. When everyone smiles he frowns, when everyone frowns he smiles. Scientific anomaly! The last of his kind, haha...

Saaaammmmmaaaaaa. Kidding. Wassup brother? Compare the hair. Him and me. Big difference right? Whenever I see him he's always in PE attire...=)

Converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. =(

I must cross blades with Jierui the BIG MAN. Fight! I think Jierui unconsciously enjoyed this...xD

The creepy place where I sometimes dwell and where SPIRE groups have spent countless hours doing endless reruns of experiments.

Arggh...Have to go study for Maths Trigo test tomorrow...Seeya!

Council Room Clean Up

2006-07-28T23:23:00.000-07:00

This is the month of Captain Jack Sparrow! The best, bravest, most swashbuckling pirate in the seven seas! The Council Room is now OFFICIALLY clean, thanks to everyone I called to come down! Now I won't be blamed because ohhh Wen Loong is in charge of the Council Room and its filthy! Its clean now okay? =)

Very clean. You can see Faisal and his happinesss sitting next to tired old me. Let's see. What has happened over the past few days? Oh yes! The Lake House has opened on 27th July, I watched, and loved it! Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock are the cutest couple, and I have always had a penchant for love stories.

I know that we all respect originality, but I have been practicing my Jack Sparrow drunken walk while in school. Those who know me should be able to tell. Right?

Lake House

2006-07-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

How do you hold on to someone you've never met?

The Lake House.

Changes, it seems, are an inevitable part of life. They can be changes for the better or for the worst. They can create or destroy. The quintessential truth is this. Change is here whether we like it or not. All things in this world are impermanent. They fade, wither, pass away.

In the show Troy it is said, "Men rise and fall like the winter wheat, but these names will never die."

In the end, when we look back in warm nostalgia at these moments, its not the birthdays and the outings and how many gameboys we have or how many movies we have watched. In the end, it is the relationships and the connections that remain, as spindly bright threads reverberating their luminescence throughout the fog of Life. It is your family, your friends, your relatives, your values, your principles, and your ideals that will shape who you are and how you change.

These things are intangible, and can never be taken away from you.

In Life, the goings going to be tough, and there will be failures along the way, we should not avoid them, we should embrace them, and resolve to get up from that stepping stone.

For what is success, other than rising each time you fall?

Even if we have forgotten what we were fighting for, even if our spirit has extinguished, we still have our principles and our ideals to hold on to.

Our strength of character.

Someone once defined character as this. Character is the discipline to follow through with the resolutions long after the spirit in which they were made has passed.

We feel change everyday. We have felt it for the past 15 years of our lives, and will continue to experience it in our future, wherever it may lead.

Change is unexpected, it pushes us out of our comfort zone, it challenges us spiritually and emotionally, tests our strength of character, our courage to do what is necessary.

It is like a flour sifter, when all the lumpy grains have been removed, the flour drifts downwards angelically, free of weaknesses and troubles. Resistance can only serve to make us better, more functional human beings.

It teaches us that though we must look inward, we must also receive with open arms the generosity and assistance of others. In times of adversity, we turn to these foundations in our lives, these pillars of solidarity, God, family, friends, and we strengthen them, we fortify them.

Tuesdays with Morrie, a book with loving insights on Life, moved me alot. Morrie, a professor, said that he did not fear dying from the disease Stephen Hawking died of. What he feared was that he would no longer be able to communicate.

There was a procedure to follow to delay the gripping clutch of the virus, but Morrie did not want it. He did not want to live his life like Stephen Hawking, unable to communicate properly.

Once that was gone, he said, the Morrie you know is gone too.

Morrie also said he did not understand why old people wanted to be younger and young people older. Regret is a sign of an unfulfilled life. He cautioned Mitch Albom. I have been every age till 60. I have learnt from that experience and moved on. I cannot return to when I was 13, and am not sure if I want too.

You see, Morrie realized that, like I just did, age is no measure of experience, but experience and wisdom are two seperate things. Why can't we act like two year olds again? Because our psyche does not allow us too. It is the nature of the human mind to grow and expand, to mature and connect. We have simply...grown. Spiritually, mentally, gramatically, lingustically, hypothetically, physically, emotionally, physiologically, psychologically and so on.

Change is something like pain. Every single change is spontaneous, unbridled, fresh and sharp. It stings and burns, welts and simmers with agony. But then the wound heals itself. You have grown. You will no longer carry around this pain, because you have grown to know how to avoid it.

This change. Take it or leave it. Love it or hate it.

But next time you take a stroll in the morning, walk your dog, or kiss your girlfriend, you might want to remember.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.